Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
