just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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