You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
