Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
