A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
