operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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