Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
