god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just invented taco cereal.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
