he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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