I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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