we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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