i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
