Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
