He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
