i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
