Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
