I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
