We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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