I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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