I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
