I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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