I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
