whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
