it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
