Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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