They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
