Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
