Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
