My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
