I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
