I think i sorta joined a cult last night
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
