y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
