We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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