i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
