No awkward lesbian experiences without me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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