that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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