I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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