I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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