Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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