Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
