So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
