You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize