I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
