Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
