Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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