Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
