hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
