At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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