I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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