come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
third nipple confirmed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"