dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
