he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
