So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
