Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
