it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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