The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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