i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
