I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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