I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
