I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
