is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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