After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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