ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
