I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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