she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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