I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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