my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
