Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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