well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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