I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
why is half of my head shaved?
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