My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize