Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
